just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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