I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.