this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.