I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?