ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
