hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
