and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sober January is a disaster.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
