You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
