Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
