3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
