Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
