Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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