Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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