I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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