You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
