yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish i was in the wii world.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
