i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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