these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
