There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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