**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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