Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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