i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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