worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
