Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
