i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
