When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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