Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
