I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
