the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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