we have pet lesbian snakes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
