He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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