wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
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We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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