____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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