you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
