I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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