Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
