I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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