my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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