It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
