i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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