i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
