it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
