i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Text me some of your sweat
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
