Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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