batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
