I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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