Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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