the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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