Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
