I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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