What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
