Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize