my mouth tastes like poor choices
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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