Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
