my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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