Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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