I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
