Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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