I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
