i jhust puked up my retainher.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
