His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
