I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
