cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
