There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
