She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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