I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
