you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
