and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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