I think my fart just growled at me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
