if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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