Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
