I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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